Im in the business of Misery...

Theres alot running through my mind today, and it threatens to give me runners cramps for the second time today.  I wish I had one thing that I could single out and work on...but as is the life in the Army, you can never nail one thing down without having to smack 5 others.  I want to make alot of changes.  Theres alot I want to do, and alot I want to fix.  More on that later I guess....

Yea...nothing intelligent from me today.  Deuces.

Valkyrie, the Soldiers Angel

     Its difficult to see some army training as having a purpose in the civilian world.  I tend to agree somewhat.  I should, seeing as how law enforcement is important everywhere.  But its not always a skill or a particular tactic that will benefit you later on.  Usually its just a word or phrase.  For me, its simple:

         Your body can't go where your mind hasn't been

     This didn't strike me as important until afterwards.  Its said so often, "trust your instincts" like were all listening to Obi-Wan while trying to blow up our own personal death stars we have in our lives.  But can we really trust our instincts?  Do most of us even have instincts?  I mean, if the Covenant landed in my living room I would have no problem overloading the reactors on my....oh....thats right....Halos just a game.  What instincts do I really posses?  I cant say that Ill totally freeze up the minute I have to draw my weapon, but I cant say Ill shoot like Clint Eastwood with a 9mm either.  Fight or flight is one thing, but I wont know how I will react until I get there, and thats not really where I want to test my worth.  Thats why I try and put my mind in a standoff with weapons hot, with a hostage behind a barricaded door, with someone charging at me because I was told to apprehend them, with someone on the ground not breathing.  If I put my mind there enough, then perhaps ill shoot like Clint Eastwood after all.

Hmm...oh look, a blog

Its hard to believe that in 2004 I was nuts about blogs.  Xanga was my life then.  But at 16, a lot of things can be life right?  It's really hard not to be emo in a blog, at least for me.  Its not like life has changed much in 5 years.  Well, I can't really say its the same either.  The same considerations are still there, only now they involve a wife rather than a date to the dance, and bills rather lunch money.  I remember when all I had to worry about was they biology test I never could quite pass.  Now I have to worry about the real world.  Like the traffic stop I have to make.

     Like I said, life hasn't changed much.  The situations just contain outcomes with a little more...umpf.  I think the reason why my personal life experience has gotten so...predictable...is this: I don't have a gimmick.  It reminds me of an agent from the 50s trying to get people into a vaudeville act.  "You need a gimmick!  Thats what'll get people in the seats!"

     Asking yourself what your "gimmick" is...rather your real world equivilant of the Army's "MOS"...isnt as easy as answering the question they ask you in middle school: "What do you want to be when you grow up?"  Because 1) People dont always become what they desire, and 2) there are those of us who dont really know.  I count myself among the people that has to agree with Fight Club and ask themselves, "What kind of dining set defines me as a person?" Im not looking for personal assurance in a set of plates, cups, and saucers...but I do ask myself, "what makes me who I am?"  And even asking that is based on the assumption that I know who I am as a person.  

     Now, to stop this before I go from intellectual to emo and  really have a flashback of sophomore year, Im closing this out with this little nugget of info: Im the Benjamin 5-Piece Modern Dining Set.  Firmly rooted in this centuary, but always hinting at how things were back in the day.